BEFORE THE PERSON
The marriage institution is still an institution that many, struggles to understand. Those unmarried wants to be married, those married wants to be unmarried, and the question is why? The purpose is not well understood and what it takes to keep it going is not known by many.
Luke 14:28–30 (NIV)
Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.
Proverbs 24:3–4 (ESV)
By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.
Truth is, God is the originator of marriage and you need Him to keep marriage together. Many rush into marriage without adequate preparation and hence they rush out. The factors below are essential for a great marriage:
Who you are? — getting to know your identity/purpose
Who you marry? — “the person”
How you marry? — “the process”
In this edition, we shall look at who you are, before meeting “the person”.
God does not want anyone to be lonely in life, do not believe that it is your cross to be unmarried except it is a conscious decision and a convincing one, that you chose for yourself (given you have the grace not to be involved in a sexual sin). At the beginning when God was making all things, He kept on looking at His creation saying this is good, this is good, but when He came to man, He said it is not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18), I will make Him a help meet for Him. And when God the Almighty says something is not good, then we should know it is not good.
Ask anyone what they want in a partner and the list goes………….., but the real question should be directed to the individual, that, are you the right partner? It would not be fair for you to be Mr. or Ms. wrong and get the right partner, because the choice of a life partner can either mar or make an individual’s destiny. It’s a crucial decision that influences one’s fulfillment in life. Let’s take a ride into finding and setting one’s self right for the right person.
Before the Person
•Establish a relationship with God first
God is our maker; He knows us too well compared to how we know ourselves. So, we need to cooperate with Him to lead and guide us through life. Its likened to a manufacturer and a product, the manufacturer attaches a manual guide to a product to allow proper maintenance of a product for its effectiveness and longevity. The product itself is not aware of these guide but once it is being operated within the conditions of the manual, it will serve its purpose long. So also, is man. God is his maker and the scripture the manual for his life’s fulfilment (Script + Creature = Scripture). When you love God wholeheartedly, you’ll be able to love another.
Psalm 119:9–10 (ESV)
How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments!
An individual need to have clarity of the subsequent points discussed before meeting the right person.
Knowing God will allow a man to live a life of honour to the credit of his maker. He alone can help us live a life that pleases Him.
John 15:5 (ESV)
I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.
Psalm 37:4 (NIV)
Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.
Ecclesiastes 12:13 (KJV)
Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep His commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.
•Place
When God made man, He didn’t rush to create him first, He made a place for him then later when all is set, made man lastly (Gen 2:8–15). God desires to give you a place where purpose can happen in your life. Many of us usually place ourselves and seek people to validate the place we feel we need to be. Some even try to place themselves in places they feel they can meet a life partner like a big church where there are more people, some start attending parties a lot more, to see if they can find that handsome guy or beautiful lady. The worst, are the ones who go to the club to see if they can find someone, all in the desperation of getting married and get a club wife or husband. We fight most time, the place God has positioned us, be it the job, church, family, etc. because it doesn’t look “IT”. Know this, God has got you in a place for a purpose. Embrace the place and you will see the reason/purpose in due time.
Genesis 2:8 (KJV)
And the Lord God planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there he put the man whom he had formed.
•Purpose
Purpose is the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists. If the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable. Take time to understand and know your purpose. Our purpose in life is the very meaning of our existence and without knowing this, we often suffer the ignorance of our significance. We fall prey to the illusion that our lives don’t matter, and we have no connection or impact on the world around us.
God gave Adam an assignment to dress and keep the garden, that was his purpose (Genesis 2:15). It was also while he was at his purpose that he got his life partner. If you are trusting God for a partner, stay in your purpose and you will find him or her whilst there. It also allows the other party to see if your purpose is fusing with theirs. You must have a similar direction in life, you don’t want to have conflict of vision/interest later in the marriage.
Genesis 2:15 (ESV)
The LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it.
God predestined Jesus to die for the sins of the world to reconcile men to God, that’s His purpose.
Acts 2:23 (NIV)
This man was handed over to you by God’s deliberate plan and foreknowledge; and you, with the help of wicked men, put him to death by nailing him to the cross.
Amos 3:3 (KJV)
Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
•Provision
God supplies where He called us to. He only funds His ideas. If you are struggling for a long time in a place, pause and check if you are where (in the place) God wants you to be. Go back to the drawing board and ask God. When God positioned Adam in the garden of Eden, he already made food available for him on trees and river.
Genesis 2:9 (KJV)
And out of the ground made the Lord God to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil.
•Parameter
If you do not have standard before you get into a relationship, the relationship will create the standard for you to live by. Parameters help to create a foundation for a healthy relationship. A lot of people suffer in relationships because they do not follow the parameters God gave for purity, accountability and honesty. So when they have joined their body to a partner before marriage and it doesn’t end in marriage, they end up broken. Two people are better than one at everything including causing a mess. Two people without standard equals hot mess.
The real power of a mature Christian is to know you can but chose not to.
1 Corinthians 6:12 (AMP)
Everything is permissible for me, but not all things are beneficial. Everything is permissible for me, but I will not be enslaved by anything [and brought under its power, allowing it to control me].
2 Peter 1:3 (NIV)
His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.
Genesis 2:16–17 (KJV)
And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat: but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you shall not eat of it: for in the day that you eat therefore you shall surely die.
Marriage is sweet depending on the cutlery you use to eat, so choose your cutlery rightly. Set the right foundation!
THE END
You can also check my previous story HERE.
