I DO! Role of the Husband

After the wedding, the marriage journey begins. Most times, the teachings at the wedding ceremony do not stick in for some couples as a lot is running through their head about the new journey, they are trying to figure what’s next? Each having expectations of how the marriage should go. The groom and the bride may sometimes not know what their role should be, because for some, they didn’t have a template to fall on by virtue of their background.

Let’s take a lot look at what God expects of husbands.

§Leadership

If any husband were to be asked to sum up their role in their home in one word, leadership will be the answer given by many. It is a good answer as God has made you the head but the scripture answers better with this word “LOVE”.

Leadership is an art of motivating someone towards achieving a common goal. Great leaders do not set out to be leader rather they set out to make a difference. It is never about the role but always about the goal. Note that it is not an art of controlling, which is the understanding of some men. A leader is selfless.

1 John 3:16

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.

The headship-submission relationship is not about inherent superiority and inferiority. Leadership is not about bossing someone around. We are admonished in the scriptures to submit one to another to show you fear God who has given you, your spouse. Jesus, though a leader, assumed the servant’s role to wash the feet of His disciples (John 13:3–17). A leader serves. Your wife is an heir just as you (1 Peter 3:7).

Ephesians 5:21

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Husbands must lead physically as well as spiritually. “A man may not be a vocational theologian,” says Doug Wilson (author of Reforming Marriage). “But in his home, he needs to be the resident theologian.”

Leadership entails honour and respect to those you are leading. You must honour your wife (physically, mentally and emotionally) and keep your eyes from lustful looks (which is adultery). The honour you give your wife opens an experience of love that many will never experience. This is one of the secrets to marital bliss.

Hebrews 13:4

Honour your marriage; keep it pure by remaining true to your wife in every way.

1 Thessalonians 4:4

That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour.

Proverbs 5:20

Why be captivated, my son by an adulteress, or embrace the bosom of a stranger?

Matthew 5:28

But I say unto to you, that whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.

Call your wife ‘blessed’ and praise her (Proverbs 31: 28–29). Acknowledge your wife for all that she is; what she does, how she looks, her excellence, and what she brings to the table in the marriage. Don’t take her for granted. When a woman doesn’t feel appreciated, it opens the door for trouble within the relationship. Sometimes, all she wants to hear is thank you and know that you treasure her.

Respect begets respect. It is an important factor in any relationship, also in the eyes of God. If you disrespect your wife, your prayers will be hindered (it is a principle). Show acts of consideration, when you notice she’s in a position of need, help. Honour your wife with how you speak to her. Harshness (be it an angry look, irritability to disrespectful and demeaning language) towards your wife reflects hostility and should be curbed even when you are having a bad day, master how not to take it on her.

Colossians 3:19

Husbands love your wives and do not be harsh with your wife.

God commands men to love their wives as their own bodies, noting in Ephesians 5:28 that a man who shows love for his wife clearly loves himself.

§Provider

1 Timothy 5:8

Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

A provider is one who antedates and does the strategic planning for the household. He thinks about the goals — not just the financial goals, but the spiritual goals and emotional goals. A written article I came across better explains that, the husband as a provider is the chief executive officer of the corporation (home). It’s his responsibility to set the direction. The wife is the chief operating officer and the two of them need to unify their direction for the good of the family. Note that even if your wife earns more than you do, be responsible for your wife and children in whatever capacity you have.

The Spirit filled husband loves his wife not for what she can do for him, but for what he can do for her. This is how Christ’s love is to us because He loves us not, because there’s something in us that attracts Him, not because He gains any benefit from loving us, but simply because He determined to love us and delights to bestow on us His favour.

Romans 5:8

But God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

1 John 4:19

We love because he first loved us.

True love is an act of the will, not a feeling? It is a commitment to the welfare of its object. It is a voluntary devotion. It involves sacrifice, consideration, chivalry, communion, courtesy, and commitment. It is the kind of love you owe your wife.

§Protector

Have you ever asked yourselves this question, why don’t nations send their women to fight their battle in place of their men? This is not to say there are no women in the military or other forces. But there is something about the physical strength of men, which God has given them. The role of protector is a fundamental aspect of a man’s duty to his family. Husbands are meant to protect their wives (physically, emotionally, spiritually, from themselves, and from the husband’s sin and anger). Intervene in the life of your wife to save her from destroying herself if you see her treading the wrong path. In Joshua 7, the sin of Achan cost him not only his own life, but his whole family “They burned them with fire and stoned them with stones.” (Another case is that of Korah, read Numbers 16). Do not turn yourself to the abuser of your wife in whatsoever form, but always react with love.

John 15:13

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

1 Peter 3:7

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Genesis 2:24

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

The husband must be committed to defending his family, even at the cost of his own life. If someone insults your wife, do you step up and defend her? Do you safeguard her honour and respect her in the way you talk with her? Does she feel safe and looked after in your presence? Can she call on you for help, even in little things, and know you’ll intervene on her behalf? A man who demeans his wife causes her to feel defensive around him, when she should feel protected! Husbands must protect their wives from abusive, overbearing or interfering family and friends. As the man of the home, you are meant to “leave your father and mother and be joined to your wife”.

Many women suffer in the hands of their in-laws because their husband will not stand up for them. This is so wrong. That is why I usually tell singles; the period of courtship is not a time to be eating around and sightseeing. It is a time to really know each other and agree on your future.

I would ever be grateful to my husband and his family. They do not poke nose into our marriage, there is this mutual respect between me and his family and everyone knows their boundary and my husband sees to it that the boundary is kept. There had been occasions that I was envisaging them to interfere, but they maintained the respect. For instance, in the initial years of my marriage, I and my husband lived mostly apart in different States due to work, some family may start raging that the wife should resign her work for her to be with her husband, but instead they would say we pray God creates an avenue for you two to be able to live together in the same State and that’s all and it is not what they turned into a chorus for every time.

§Companionship

The man and woman were created with physical and emotional differences by God, where one is weak in some areas, the other is strong. God saw in the beginning, that there was a level of intimacy, man cannot have with animals, hence He took the woman out of him to satisfy that longing missing in the life of Adam (Genesis 2:18). The husband should strive to maintain physical and emotional intimacy with his wife. Every woman would want her husband to be her best friend, someone who wouldn’t judge her.

Song of Solomon 5:16

His mouth is most sweet: yes, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.

§Prioritization

Ephesians 5:31

Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

Husbands are meant to prioritize their wives. Once you say I do, altering in priorities must happen. You, leaving several people and things is mandatory. All other relationships come second to your wife, even your relationship with your children when they start coming, because you cannot become one flesh with them but your wife only. Leaving for the husband implies leaving home physically, relationally, emotionally, financially, spiritually and sometimes geographically. This does not mean you have to cut off your family as you must honour your parents to guarantee the longevity of your life. Please get the balance. Remember this line in the marriage vow, “Forsaking all others, until death do us part”?

Ecclesiastes 9:9

Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that He has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun.

Marriage is meant to be enjoyed. That is why the scriptures stress the fact that husbands should enjoy life with their wives. Be intentional in your marriage to enjoy it. A good marriage is HARD WORK! The fruit of a good husband is a strong, confident, spiritually mature wife and family.

You can also check my previous story here.

THE END

Dan Moore Kris Gage Wake Up Call P.S. I Love You @writingsolo